2024 was nothing short of a roller coaster for me. The beginning of the year brought clarity (or so I thought), the middle of the year was full of travel and fun, and the last part of the year was one of the worst spiritual battles I had dealt with.

So as I was leaving the old year I questioned God about my direction for this new year.

I was led to 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 where Paul is writing to the Church in Corinth. Here he explains that he had been suffering to the point he was sure he would die. Although my situation was no where comparable to Paul’s predicament, I still resonated heavily with his sentiment. Yet, in this situation he realized something beautiful in verse 9:

“But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.”

New Peace

When I read this, I realized God had to bring me to the end of myself so that I wanted peace more than I wanted my own way. It was only when I felt like I was suffering to the point of death that I was able to fully trust only in God.

I was so tired from last year that I went into this year practically screaming, “Your will be done!”

Now, in the beginning of 2025 I was presented with a choice that could change my life. However, I have been lead by an immense fear regarding this decision. This has been a battle I’ve been struggling with for nearly a year and as I stated before: I was tired!

My prayer was simple, “God, give me peace about what to do.”

So far I have had two clear responses.

  1. Pray and Trust.
  2. Walk in faith not in fear.

New Trust

In my mind, I thought I trusted God. There were plenty of decisions I made the previous year that proved that! However, I realize those moments were only a precursor to what God was asking of me.

Refer back to Paul in 2 Corinthians. The key word for me in verse 9 was not “rely”, but “only”. To rely only on God is a level of trust that, until this point, I doubt I had known. I made decisions by faith, but I did not walk by faith. I would sporadically make a leap of faith, but my daily life and decisions were ordered by me. So, in relying on myself for the majority of my life I often found myself in a place of fear, anxiety, stress, and perpetual defeat.

Psalm 37:5 says,

Commit your way to the Lord,

Committing my way to the Lord is more than making a couple of faith based decisions. It is dedicating my way of life to the Lord in every aspect.

But, I’ve walked my way for so long, how do I transition from a natural walk to a spiritual one?

Well, if “…faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17)”, then when I read His Word, I learn how to walk. I learn what to focus on and what to do in times of conflict. My future and even my career is guided by His Word, not my personal agenda. How I show up in my relationships is fully led by His Word. And I trust that He will supply me with enough Word that I can walk by faith on a daily basis.

New Rest

I believe I am being transitioned into walking fully in faith. Although there have only been 7 days into the new year, each day has hammered in the need to pray, wait, trust, and walk by faith. I have found myself in a state of intentional surrender to God in every circumstance. Although this place is foreign to me, it is ultimately what I have been praying for.

For once, I feel rested.

I wanted to exchange my fear for God’s peace and God has given me rest. The more I practice trusting God, fear loses its place in my heart. When the burden of responsibility is placed back on God’s shoulders, I experience how unfit I was to carry that load.

New Direction

In my prayers I have been telling The Lord that I feel as though I am finally just sitting in His hand. Gone are my hopes, dreams, and future plans. Just a desire to remain in His Will as I strive only to fully trust in Him.

Of course there are still moments I struggle. After all I’ve been a worry wart my whole life. I’m still practicing! As Paul would say, I am still running this race and I will not consider myself as having arrived. However, I am excited to continue in this space God has me.

Although the issues that have fed into my fears have not disappeared, I have moved my eyes onto an unfailing source from which I can trust my life with.

So going into the New Year I hope to gain deeper trust, and as I increase in trust I hope to become more reliant on faith.

Happy New year Everyone!

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