Navigating Long Distance Family and Friends: Before the move

For a long time, romance was the furthest thing from my mind. I knew wanted to be married one day, but it was never a priority. However, the relationships I placed value in were my family and friends. Now, I’m finding myself having to trade one long-distance relationship for many others. God has blessed me to be a fiancé and soon-to-be wife to a wonderful man. However, I am having to leave behind many of the most important relationships in my life.

My experience

I am no stranger to maintaining long distance relationships. Me and my fiancé were long distance friends for roughly a year before we even thought about dating. What helped us immensly was the lack of pressure. We didn’t have scheduled calls and would often just call each other when we felt like it. Typically after work or school. Sometimes we talked about any and everything. Lots of nonsense really. Every now and again we would have a serious conversation but it wasn’t the bulk of our relationship (at least at this time).

One of my favorite parts of our long distance friendship was propping each of our phones up and completing average tasks together. He would be doing homework and I would be folding laundry. I would be watching anime or reading, and he would be playing the game or watching TV on his own. The pressure to entertain each other wasn’t there. In our minds, even then, just being with each other was the experience. That is what I hope to replicate in my friendships when I move. However, this type of long distance experiences cannot be cultivated without one ingredient: intention.

Intentionality

If a relationship has experienced prolonged long distance, I believe that union has proven itself to be true and strong. I don’t think long distance relationships are inherently stronger than their close distance counterparts. Rather, I believe long distance relationships require a greater level of intentionality that can be overlooked in closer distance relationships. It’s easy to not talk to someone you know you can see in person at church, work, or in your city. That is not the case for long distance. There needs to be intentional activity and time spent with each other.

That doesn’t mean you need to call everyday. Rather, it may mean you need to contact that person more often than if you were going to meet them face to face. You have to actively keep each other in your lives. And that is what makes long distance so hard. Close distance comes with ease of access while long distance requires intentional pursuit.

The Preparation

That is why I have been preparing my friends and family for my move. I have started the conversations about how our friendships will look moving forward. Although distance does not disqualify friendship, it takes away the convenience of shared experience and physical connection. I won’t be able to get groceries with my sisters or get brunch with my best friends. The random life updates that normally spill in conversation during regular hangouts are replaced with deliberate calls and messages.

Some stuff we plan on doing while being long distance:

• Create side quests for each other to complete (ex. Try a new matcha flavor this week)
• Bible study: Read a particular bible story or passage and lets call and discuss
• Book Club: Reading the same book and discussing them over video chat
• Voice notes: rather than too many texts, sending voice notes for updates and conversation
• Video games: I’m not a gamer, but me and my sisters want to each get our own console so we can play games together

That doesn’t include the simple things like sending quick pictures or videos to each other. Obviously I won’t be able to talk to everyone everyday, but when we can share moments together, I want ensure they are meaningful and not forced. Time that we can look forward to and not an obligation we need to meet.

I’m So Blessed

I am grateful that God has blessed me with friends who desire to ensure our friendship continues to be just as special 100 miles away as it was 10 miles apart.

It is truly my belief that if God brings genuine friends into our lives, it is our responsibility to steward those relationships appropriately. I do not see my friends as people that I use for my own gain and, when no longer convenient, discardable. My heart holds every friendship close and cares for their lives and well-being. I really love them with the love of the Lord and I do not believe distance removes our responsibility to care for our friends and family.

So I’m excited to see how my relationships grow, shift, and evolve when distance is added. I pray that they stand the test of time and I pray for God’s hand of protection, love, and grace over all of my relationships now and into the future. And to all of my friends and family, I love you all so much!

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