“I Can Wait.” A Marriage Analysis

“I can’t wait to be married.” – 12 year old me

That was a line from one of my middle school diary entries. I was addicted to romance media, often daydreaming of a love I didn’t understand. The plot was always the same:

1. Girl is living a not-so-great life.
2. Guy comes a long and somehow improves her circumstances.
3. They get married and everything is perfect.

To be married, was to be happy and have all of your problems fixed.

Needless to say, life basically pimp-slapped those rose-colored glasses off my face.

I watched as men and women, looking for love, found trauma, pain, and irreversible consequences as a result of their hope. Thus, I came to believe this was the reality of love. So, instead of desiring a relationship I became extra cautious and protective of my life and my peace. My sentiment had evolved from wishing for marriage, to wishing for genuine love…and then marriage.

“I can’t wait to get married to someone who will treasure me, my heart, and my peace.” -17 year old me

However, recently my thoughts shifted yet again. When dissecting my thoughts on romantic relationships, I searched for the root of my mindset towards marriage.

I learned that I couldn’t wait until I was married because I had been indoctrinated to believe my life did not truly start until I was someone’s wife. Even in the church, there was a belief that a person’s life (especially a woman’s) did not have true fulfillment until they were married. In fact, your “single season” (Lord, I hate that phrase), is meant for you to prepare to be married.

Once I shifted my thought of marriage from “the beginning of my dream life” and looked at it for what it was, I came to this conclusion.

“I can wait to be married.” -24 year old me

I do not believe my perfect life, or my happiness begins with marriage. It’s just a new chapter in a wonderful life I’m choosing to live right now. I love my life, and I love everything I am able to do (and not do) because of my present relationship status. I have thriving friendships, fun adventures, sleep when I want to, and continue to explore myself without having to think about another person.

And once I’m married, I will simply start a new chapter not a new book! My life is wonderful right now and it will be wonderful then, just with new experiences and challenges.

I recall several conversations that I’ve had with married women. When disclosing my relationship status or my lack of children, they all seem to say the same phrases.

• “Don’t rush it”
• “Enjoy it while you can”
• “Oh, to be childless”

They understand now that marriage and children don’t need to be rushed. Because once you walk through that door, you can’t go back.

Do I want to be married and (maybe) a mother someday? Yes. I believe marriage is one of the most beautiful concepts that God has given us, and I don’t completely hate the thought of having a little person.

But…

I can wait!

I can wait because marriage is one of the biggest life-shifts I will ever experience.

I can wait because children are forever, and being a mother is one of the hardest roles given to women.

I can wait because my life, identity, and dreams are not unhealthily connected to marriage.

When the time is right, the Lord will provide as He always has. But until then, I can wait!

Until Next Time,

The Road Writer.

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