It was a rainy afternoon as I laid, cocooned under my bed cover scrolling through Instagram reels. Since I had been recently liking lifestyle content my feed was filled with coffee runs, “Get ready with me” videos and inevitably, friendship posts. Everything from large birthday gatherings to best friend outfit inspirations. It seemed like every time my finger swiped, there was another video showing just how lonely I was. Instead of exiting the app, I doom-scrolled till my room was dark.
With each passing minute, the loneliness I was able to ignore for years, started to wash over me until I was left dejected.
In that moment, I prayed to God for Godly friendships.
And guess what: God answered my prayers!
Two. Years. Later!
Now that I have Godly-friends and I am still developing relationships, I understand that I had to learn about myself, how I saw friendships, and then how I handled my friendships. Therefore, I want to speak about what I do to create and maintain godly relationships.
Love in Action
You may have heard from one wise elder in your life “love is not a feeling, it is an action.” Although, I have some personal issues with the way the statement can be misused, I primarily agree.
Love is action, and oftentimes people decide how much love you want based on how much love you give. Therefore, do not be afraid to lead in love. You will be surprised by the level of reciprocation you receive just because your love gave them the permission to love you as well.
What does love look like? It varies between individuals, however there are some universal acts of love that have yet to fail me. These include:
- Random Good morning texts
- Sending motivational, Christian, or silly reels
- Giving gifts for no reason other than you wanted them to know you loved them.
- Food! (You can never go wrong with food)
- Random check ins, just to inquire if they are alright.
The list goes on so feel free to adjust your acts of love based on your personal love language and the person(s) you want to befriend. The closer you become with someone the more you learn what actions they perceive to be love. Likewise, they will also learn more about you and what you love.
Make Friendship a Priority
Friendships take time both in quality and quantity. You need to spend time with people so they can grow to learn and trust you. In addition, it is important that the time you spend with them is frequent enough to form a bond.
“But Road Writer, I’m an introvert! People drain me, so I would prefer a low maintenance friendship.”
Then it appears we have something in common dear reader.
I am also easily drained, and sometimes, overwhelmed by too much social interaction. Texting is like talking to me, so sometimes it comes with the same energy consumption and social pressures.
I am not suggesting you need to be in non-stop communication to have friends. Rather, that you develop time management skills and a balance that works for you. You don’t have energy after work? Don’t schedule any meetups after work! Not a morning person? Send a text in the afternoon asking about their day.
Friendships are not supposed to be draining! They are supposed to fit into your life in a way that uplifts you.
Ask God for Direction
I know it’s church cliche to respond to everything with prayer, but the application of prayer to all things is biblical.
…pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:17
As I stated before I had been praying for 2 years, but I now realize that I did not have the emotional capacity, self-reflection, or right priorities to steward any kind of relationship God had blessed me with. My prayer, now that he is answering my cry for friendship, is to teach me how to properly steward the blessing he has given me.
This does not only pertain to friendships, but also for everything God has provided! Your car, your family, your body—Heck, even the dog! Everything you have been blessed with deserves to be properly loved and taken care of.
Not Everyone is Your Friend…and that’s ok
You may have noticed a lot of my tips require you to make the first move. I understand that this can be daunting for most and with time, lonely as well. Constantly giving of yourself without reciprocity can become discouraging.
However, that is the beauty of what I’m learning. Not everyone you approach as a friend is going to be your friend! Everybody is not in the space to love back. Some people simply aren’t interested.
Now, dear reader, if you are terrified of rejection like I am I want you to take a deep breath.
It’s okay.
You want to be surrounded by your friends, not by random people who accept your presence but don’t love you. You want quality friends not a quantity of acquaintances. When you put yourself out there, you’re giving others a chance to choose you. When you hide, you rob so many people of the opportunity to love you back. I believe that the reason we run from doing the above steps is not because it’s too much work, but we do not believe the work is worth the uncertain outcome. We could either get out of our comfort zone and create a beautiful friendship or be rejected. So, we hide away thinking we are protecting ourselves, when it’s the opposite. This is how the devil works. He seeks to isolate, where God seeks to connect.
Get out of your Comfort Zone!
I encourage you to reach out to those you want to be friends with. Be bold and don’t be afraid to hear “no”. I can testify that after putting myself out there, I have had plenty of rejection by people I expected to return my affection, and I have continued to grow with people who I thought wouldn’t give me the time of day. I can guarantee you that you are not the only person feeling lonely in your community.
Get out there and show the world how wonderful you are! Use the tips I provided, start to form those connections, and pray for the heart and mind to learn how to keep them. I pray that we all continue to find our people.
With Love,
The Road Writer
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