There are times when all I have is God and Faith.
I find myself in such a unique place in my life where I am being stretched to what feels beyond my capacity. Since last September I have been been, cut, smashed, and remade repeatedly. Yet, as tired as I am, I’m curious.
Who am I on the other side of this?
I have to know.
Who am I once I have finished this season of endurance? How will I respond to troubling situations? What will I know then that I don’t understand now? Where will I be both physically and mentally?
Who will I be once I win this battle?
Sometimes, in these moments where I want to run from the growing pains, I have to remind myself that my flesh is weak. My exhaustion is not from my spirit. However, that doesn’t make the feelings go away or endow me with some kind of supernatural energy boost. I’m still tired.
So instead of trying to make the feelings go away, I have decided to call it what it is.
A liar.
My mind is lying to me.
Everything is okay.
I’m okay.
God has already gone before me.
There is nothing for me to fear.
My nervous system is not my God.
And as my body continues to lie to me I will continue to stand on the only evidence I have that my body is not to be trusted: my Faith.
I bet my entire life on Faith alone. This experience is forcing me to live what I always sing,
“take me deeper”
“my life is yours”
“I give you all of me”
So I am blessed in this space of great confusion, weariness and pain. I do not claim these as my own but a defect within my programming as a human. My flesh, in an effort to protect itself, will never recognize the truth: that I am safe and protected by my Heavenly Father in all things.
I will get through this. And then I will get through whatever else God has in store for me. No matter what, I have to answer that burning question.
Who am I on the other side of this?
Until next time!
With Love,
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